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Career / The Ultimate Career Guide / Well-being

What to Do When Your Family Does Not Approve Your Career (Career Resource No. 13)

April 4, 2022
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“I chose this career because my family approved it, not because this was my dream”.

Receiving career support and approval from one’s family is very important for most individuals. So important that some choose a career they do not necessarily want. But because their family approves it. Yet, others struggle with doubt and conflict anxiety when they choose to go against their family’s opinions and fight for their dream career. Whether you are at the start of your career or are looking to make a career change, your family’s support matters. In this article, we discuss science-based ways in which you can deal with a family who does not approve your career.  

Why your family’s support matters for your career success 

You might think that your career success has nothing to do with the support you get outside of anything career-related. After all, your career is about your job, your network and your skills. However, your career success depends on much more than just how much money you make, what expertise you have or how good your network is.  

Here’s the thing: a big part of your career success comes from your feeling of self-efficacy – the belief that you can become successful in your career. Self-efficacy, however, is influenced by the emotional support you get from people whose opinions matter to you. These can be your close friends, your parents, your siblings, or close relatives. Now, when your friends and family do not approve of your career choices, this can decrease your self-efficacy, and negatively influence your belief in your career success!  

If that does not convince you, a recent meta-analysis found that support from close relatives or friends influences your pay, promotion chances and career satisfaction. In other words, appropriate career support such as encouragement, praise and emotional support translates into essential career success indicators.  

3 ways to deal with a family who does not approve your career

This may be a sensitive issue since families have different cultures, rituals or opinions about what is right. Every family is different and only you know how to best approach this conflict. However, the best way to treat this sensitive subject is to allow and encourage a healthy discussion. Here’s how:  

1. Allow them to ask questions and do not get defensive.  

Your family probably wants the best for you. And if they are reluctant about your career choices, allow them to gather more information. Try to create space for them to ask their most burning questions. If you happen to not know the answer, tell them you will consider the question and come with an answer later. Importantly, keep your head cool, an open mind and do not get defensive. If you feel like the discussion is getting a bit intense, ask for a pause and reset.  

2. Ask yourself and your family “Why?” 

Your family’s concerns are probably not about the specific career you chose, but the underlying risks of a particular career. For example, your parents would really want you to become a banker instead of a career you would like. (Not that there’s anything wrong with a banking career).

Ask yourself:
“Why do they want me to become a banker?”
–> Because people who work in banking can secure financial stability
“Why is financial stability important?”
–> Because it can allow you to have a certain lifestyle and be financially independent.

It can be that your parents actually want you to be financially secure, rather than become a banker. By asking yourself and your family “why?” you can find out that your family’s disapproval does not lie in the career itself, but rather in underlying challenges like money or prestige. Understanding what exactly it is that your family disapproves of can be some food for thought for you, in case you have not thought of certain challenges yet. Such understanding can also help you make a case for your chosen career path by pointing out to your family how you will tackle these challenges. 

3. Assert yourself with empathy  

While your family’s support is important, you have the right to create and follow your path in life. Let them know that you have assessed the risks of this particular career choice and you appreciate their concern for you. Most importantly, do this with empathy. Put yourself in their shoes. You would probably also worry if someone close to you chose something you thought wasn’t right. Express to them why their support is important to you. And then continue doing what you want to do – creating the right career path for you. 

Get the support you always wanted

We know that sometimes, small actions of reflection like the ones we suggest in this article, quickly slip our mind and before we know it, we forget about them altogether. If you need an occasional reminder, follow us on our Instagram and Facebook page – we use it as an interactive way to help each other implement the advice we suggest in our blog posts. And we love to hear about your experiences and thoughts!

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This post is based on the following sources and academic articles:

Hirschi, A., Nagy, N., Baumeler, F., Johnston, C. S., & Spurk, D. (2018). Assessing key predictors of career success: Development and validation of the career resources questionnaire. Journal of Career Assessment, 26(2), 338–358. https://doi.org/10.1177/1069072717695584     

Raque-Bogdan, Trisha L.; Klingaman, Elizabeth A.; Martin, Helena M.; Lucas, Margaretha S. (2013). Career-Related Parent Support and Career Barriers: An Investigation of Contextual Variables. The Career Development Quarterly, 61(4), 339–353. doi:10.1002/j.2161-0045.2013.00060.x  

Ng,  T.  W.  H.,  &  Feldman,  D.  C.  (2014b).  Subjective  career  success:  A  meta-analytic  review. Journal  of Vocational Behavior, 85(2), 169-179. doi: 10.1016/j.jvb.2014.06.001 

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