People take multiple roles every day: being a partner, a parent, an employee. However, stress experienced in one role can spill into other life areas, damaging them. When you feel stressed at work, you might run the risk of bringing it home, into your family. Or maybe your partner does. Either way, when you bring work stress home you can damage your family life. In this article we discuss why you should not take work stress into your family and how you can stop bringing work stress home.
Why do I bring work stress home?
Bringing work stress home is what psychologists also call negative spill-over. When you experience anger, sadness or stress at work, you are also more likely to be anxious and depressed at home. Imagine that you had an unpleasant conversation with a colleague with whom you have to collaborate on a task. This conversation took up time, time you could have used to finish the task. Instead, it will now take you yet another day to present the results to your supervisor. In such situations, you probably feel stressed and frustrated. When the work-day ends, phone calls and e-mails might end, but not your stress and not your frustration. Packed with negative emotions, you come home hoping for a quiet evening. But the stress and the frustration don’t leave you. They’re still there, whether you’re at the dinner table or you’re walking the dog. This is negative spill-over.
To make things worse, this does not only affect you. It is transmitted to your family members as well.
The more stressed you are at work, the more stressed your partner becomes.
The higher your job tension is, the less satisfied your partner will be at home. In contrast, the happier you are at work, the happier your family life will be. When you experience less burnout at work, you may also receive more emotional support from your partner. In turn, this enriches not only on your family satisfaction but also your job satisfaction.
Women suffer from work stress brought home
While both men and women are affected when their partner experiences stress at work, women usually suffer more from their partner’s work stress. On average, a woman’s family life satisfaction is greatly affected by her partner’s work-life balance. It is possible that this gender difference might be due to a cultural expectation that women are more responsible for family well-being, while men ought to be more committed to work.
With COVID-19 tumbling upon the psychological health of every employee, things seem to be even worse. It seems that the pandemic has increased the effects of negative spill-over. Relationship tension inside families increased considerably. Moreover, the lowest levels of family cohesion have been reported during COVID-19. This is the time to fix negative spill-over.
How to stop bringing work stress home
You may not always be in control of your stress at work. And you don’t have to. What is important, is to be aware of it and make sure you do not bring work stress home, into your family. Only then, your work will not take a toll on you and your loved ones. Here’s how:
1. Detachment
Work is life, life is work, am I right? Well, not really. While you may think that always thinking about work can make you perform better, this is not the case. Detachment from work is not only necessary for your energy at work but it is also essential for your well-being at work and at home. Detaching from work at the end of the work day can help you recover and replenish your energy. More importantly, it can protect your happiness, because you allow yourself to rest. When you rest, your emotional batteries are recharged. As a consequence, you have no work stress to bring home, because you left it all at work.
2. Family Rituals
What can be better than having a nice meal together with your loved ones? While a dinner may fill your belly, it can also enrich your family life. Family rituals include eating meals, going for walks or doing hobbies together. These activities can in turn increase the emotional support you receive form others and create a safe haven for your well-being at home. Rituals can especially benefit you if you take a break from all your electronic devices and just enjoy some offline time with your partner, your friends or your family.
3. Mindfulness
Here and now. That’s mindfulness. It is about focusing on the present moment, being aware of your experience. Mindfulness can decrease stress levels and boost your work performance. But its benefits also extend to your family’s happiness. By being mindful, you are in better control of your precious resources: time, attention, but also emotions. If you are more mindful at work, you will be happier when you come home. Both you and your partner will experience less conflict and more well-being. So, the secret to a happier personal and family life is living in the moment.
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March 17, 2023This post is based on the following sources and academic articles
Fiese, B. H. (2007). Routines and rituals: opportunities for participation in family health. Otjr: Occupation, Participation and Health, 27(1_suppl), 41. https://doi.org/10.1177/15394492070270S106
Montes-Maroto, Gerardo; Rodríguez-Muñoz, Alfredo; Antino, Mirko; Gil, Francisco (2017). Mindfulness Beyond the Individual: Spillover and Crossover Effects in Working Couples. Mindfulness, (), –. doi:10.1007/s12671-017-0868-x
Rodriguez-Muñoz A, Sanz-Vergel, A. I., Demerouti, E. E. = E., & Bakker, A. B. (2014). Engaged at work and happy at home: a spillover-crossover model. Journal of Happiness Studies, 15(2).
Schnettler, B., Lobos, G., Lapo, M., Miranda-Zapata, E., Hueche, C., & Grunert, K. G. (2020). Testing the spillover-crossover model between work-life balance and satisfaction in different domains of life in dual-earner households. Applied Research in Quality of Life, (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-020-09828-z
Shockley, K. M., Clark, M. A., Dodd, H., & King, E. B. (2021). Work-family strategies during covid-19: examining gender dynamics among dual-earner couples with young children. The Journal of Applied Psychology, 106(1), 15–28. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000857
Sonnentag, S., & Bayer, U.-V. (2005). Switching off mentally: Predictors and consequences of psychological detachment from work during off- job time. Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, 10, 393–414. http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/1076-8998.10.4.393
